in these last few blog posts, i’ve spoken and elaborated within the vein of societal norms, expectations, standards and all that is acceptable. this extends upon that and expands that dialogue.

i’ve been feeling recently that i’ve been needing extra and excess affirmation from people and in particular from men. even though i feel like a rather confident young woman, i have recently felt, though i do not necessarily blame society, Β that within our country beauty comes through reassurance, affirmation and reaffirmation, especially within young woman and adolescent girls. it’s clear to me that this is shown and exemplified within images throughout our society that illustrate beautiful woman who are hardly dressed, not that there is anything wrong with that, and are asking, begging, for affirmation of their beauty to the public. in fact, if they do not receive this affirmation and reinforcement, one could argue they are not beautiful simply because their beauty, on the exterior in particular in this case, is not recognized.

why is it that we as females need this attention? why is self confidence so scarce? why is it not more commonly fostered and reinforced instead of broken down by these images of dainty, lengthy, spidery women in vulnerable positions? the meaning of these images and the psychological effects that they have upon women, though they’re incredibly difficult to understand within one’s own psyche, especially while they are affecting your mind and mental health.

recently, i’ve worn particular clothing, acted in certain ways and interacted with particular people and men in order to achieve and obtain this reinforcement and attention for my physique. in this period, i’ve constantly asked myself why it is exactly that i’ve been acting in such a way, in a way that begs the attention and the gaze of others, attractive men as well as attractive women, in order to feel confident within myself. it’s as if my self confidence is contingent upon this affirmation… but why?… simply because society claims it to be so? why is my self worth, the self worth of many women, young and old around the nation, the world, so contingent upon others, their opinions, actions, inactions and so much more? how has our society developed to place such an extremely high value upon physical appearance? at the micro level, the everyday level, this is not so, but at a larger, meta level, it is undeniable.

my advice: fuck it all. to all you women out there: go and do you. do what you need, what you want, what drives you, what makes you happy. in fact, i would argue that it’s best to ignore affirmation of other people altogether and simply go about you own business. why is it so important? ask yourself that. answer that for yourself. maybe you’re in a hard time in your life, maybe you simply want someone to flirt with you, tell you how sexy you are, how beautiful you are, maybe you need it for other reasons that person can and could never give you. look deeper into yourself. take time to gaze into your heart, your soul, to begin to answer these questions and find fulfillment within your heart and life, for what does this affirmation even mean or function as without your own happiness and confidence present? it only reinforces the cycle of negativity and dependence. ultimately, you determine your happiness and you live in your body. don’t break it down when you could support, love, and care for it to find a peaceful, happy existence. why would you reject an opportunity like that?

practice love. practice happiness. and it will find you and fill your heart. ❀


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