it’s a fucking minefield out here

if you’ve ever been a single 22-year-old (man or woman… or other) on a college campus, you know exactly how i feel; you know exactly how hard it is to, well, function like a normal, calm, productive human, especially if you’re already i’m a wonderful, loving relationship, as emotions as hard little fuckers to mitigate.
for one, being in a long-distance relationship is quite the challenge. to add the hormones, personal needs and the needs of your significant other, emotions, desires of a 22-year-old to the mix is, essentially, to concoct the recipe for, to be frank, a relational small disaster.
to exemplify my point, i’ll explain exactly how this feels: let me also preface with this; everything i’m about to say does not, in any way, shape or form, mean that i love my significant any other less. i feel that what i feel is simply a natural reaction of being who i am, of being 22 on a college campus, of being me, a free-spirited, loving, flirtatious young woman with a deep seeded desire to live life to the fullest and enjoy each moment in all of its beauty.
though many people, many of you who may be reading this are not a free-spirited, high-on-life yogi with a bubbly sexual desire and chi, you may, as many assume, have a strong desire to, shall we say, play the field and explore what this so-called field offers.
you may do this through an open relationship, no relationship, hook-ups, or simply ruffled, repressed sexual tension.
here’s my story.

i’ve been at school for a semester, going into my second, by myself in a long-distance relationship, and all the while i’ve had an open-ish relationship. it’s opened great doors for me, no pun intended, to be able to explore and express myself in a new way, to be flirtatious, meet new people, make new friends too surprisingly from a dating app. it has been wonderful!
it has been wonderful, but it has also illustrated its challenges.
i’ve, at times, felt too strongly for other people and wished to hookup with friends of mine, people my boyfriend knows and i’ve lived or worked with, too intimateย a relationship for any kind of further sexual exploration.
in these instances, my brain has not realized the inappropriate nature and desire of these feelings and desires. they’re not necessarily unfair to have in a relationship, i believe, but it’s drastically unfair to act upon them, finding loopholes in the open relationship agreement of my relationship. i would be placing myself in a very compromising position that could possibly end my relationship or hurt the feelings of the person with which i’d hookup.
though i find sexual desire, attraction and especially tension with people i’m both physically and emotionally attracted to, it takes the agreement of my physically open relationship to a new level, making the pursuit of emotional engagements and other possible significant others acceptable, though it would seem i’ve already found that in my boyfriend. this pursuit expresses the lack of such fulfillment from within my relationship, illuminating potential issues.

i am an advocate for a form of an open relationship, but proceed with caution, for you may find yourself entering territory unanticipated.
i wish more people were open to the possibilities and rewards of such a relationship, as i strongly feel it can enhance the relationship you have with the one you live, your significant other, it can fulfill fantasies of both parties, it can strengthen the relationship and partnership, and it can release sexual needs, desires and tensions are we young adults, or simply as adults foster and grow, an incredibly important aspect of maintaining a long-term, mature relationship with a potential lifetime mate.

i sometimes feel like i fall in love a little bit with a stranger everyday. and to me, that’s one of the greatest, most exciting joys in life. i am invigorated by feeling simple attraction to someone new. this interaction brings me back to myself, though it can be a distraction my boyfriend. it can also make me feel alive, loved, sexy, cute, strong, beautiful. it can bring new life to my days and invite something new into my world.
this infatuation, this intense lust,ย should not, though, be confused with love, with the relationships in life that are truly meaningful, healthy, rewarding, and loving. a stranger cannot give you what someone who has known you five years ever could. you may feel intense lust for the super cutie who sits two seats ahead on the plane, and damn, those eyes and that smile, but he doesn’t know you; he can’t be there when your mom becomes overly judgmental and critical, crushing another small part of your heart. he cannot make you laugh until you cry, until you vomit or can’t breathe because you’re cracking up so intensely. that is a gift that is not easily replaced or replicated. it should be treated with the utmost respect and love. it should not be treated lightly in any way.

as i finish, i shall share this: love is magical, emotional, incredible, beautiful. it is the purpose of life. sharing love and life with those closest to you is one of the most beautiful, amazing accomplishes in life. it brings the utmost happiness and joy and invigoration. without love, what is life? without love, why do we live?
small crushes and infatuations along the journey are small moments of liveliness and excitement. they will not be there for support in darkness or even in joy. they will be there, and they will be gone. treasure those who say by your side through each moment, tear, misunderstanding, celebration, journey, exploration, desire, goal, and climb.
that sharing, the exchange and embrace of love, that is why we live.

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