the beauty of sexual tension

it’s no secret that sexual tension runs rampant on college campuses, almost like the flu or mono. when you catch it, that is some hard ass shit to get out of your system.

as i’m still in a relationship my last year in undergraduate, though it may be long distance, i have felt the immense overflow of exactly that, sexual tension- anywhere and everywhere. and it’s amazing. it’s an experience of sexual rebirth, though i have had no sexual experiences with anyone but my boyfriend (yet).

in high school, i wanted my wildest dreams to come true: find a boyfriend, my best friend, get asked out, have an amazing dance, experience a true act of giving like a hottie bo bottie (as i used to say) ask me to prom in the cutest way known to man, because that’s what mattered. now that i’ve tossed aside many of these things, discarding them as i’ve concluded they no longer are of any importance to me, i realize that i did not play the field quite right, in fact, right at all, in high school. and here’s exactly why.

as a female, it’s incredibly hard to understand guys… and other females, but let’s just investigate the realm of the man right now. guys, especially those who are immature, and that’s almost all of them, play a dry, trickless dating game. they play to hook up. they play to ‘win,’ so to speak. and much of the time, to my experience, they are tasteless. so, in order to get a leg up and boost your confidence while achieving this power position, here’s my small cup of advice.

most important- always and forever – be confident. in yourself. not for him. for you. always for you. because no matter how damn sexy you are in that red hot, flattering as fuck ‘slut-life’ dress, if you aren’t confident, this game of dating and of minds will be no fun to you at all. in fact, it will be miserable, and you’ll leave with a bad taste in your mouth, wishing you’d rolled yourself into bed with a mojito, a cuddle buddy and ryan reynolds instead.

be flirtatious, but choose your words wisely. yes, don’t try too hard, as that appears as desperation, but that’s not the point. the point is to express your desires, be them sexual or otherwise, through physical expression as well as verbal expression. it is my personal experience that i’ve put too much emphasis and pressure on verbal, emotional connection and not enough (lack of) pressure on just enjoying my life, the moment and its beauty, and focusing on fun. the most important part of all this: having fun.

when it feels over, walk away. and i know you most likely won’t want to in any way shape or form and afterwards you’ll be thinking to yourself, ‘all i want is to look into his eyes again and pay no mind to the words coming out of his mouth because i can’t focus because he’s so damn hot’ while you drool just a little. but it’s not worth it and for multiple reasons. hanging on to a guy leaves you with less power, if that’s what you’re going for, in the interaction between you two. guys want what they want, and if they want to hook up, they’ll most likely express that, especially at a party, unless they’re terribly shy. when you walk away, you give yourself the psychological upper hand regardless of what he thinks. you also leave him wanting more; you leave the situation open. and (from my experiences with men, as i am by no means an expert of any kind) this is the killer. this is what keeps you in the game, with anyone, be them man or woman, friend or (hopeful) sexual partner.

smile, laugh, have fun, do exactly what you want when you want. let no one change that. when you’re comfortable and happy, things flow, everyone’s laughing, and laughter is damn sexy.

be just a tad touchy. when the situation allows, brush against him, make eye contact. holding eye contact is a turn on to many people, as well as a sign of confidence and engagement. plus (and that’s a big plus) you get to look at those amazing eyes again, and who doesn’t want to do that?

send mixed signals. do it. do it meow. it’s confusing. it’s confusing as fuck, and that’s the power of it! it’s hard as hell to figure out from the receiving end, but more significantly it’s so much fun to do. playing the game, feeling the sexual tension, leaving yourself and him wanting more, lingering, thinking about it afterwards, there’s a massive amount of fun and internal awakening in that. feeling and therefore knowing you’re sexy and flirtatious is powerful; it’s an amazing feeling.

if you got it, flaunt it… not a ton, but a little. be tasteful. be self-aware, but engage. be flirty. have fun.

never be afraid to leave everything where it is and walk away. there always is time. there will always be time. so take your time. be patient, take a deep breath, enjoy the journey, enjoy each touch, glance, conversation, interaction, lingering, awkward, moment you can find. and embrace it. even if it gets weird. weird is good. weird is exciting.

*there is nothing wrong with a little flirtation and game playing and leading on peppered here and there and everywhere (!!!), if it’s in your relationship agreement if you’re dating someone and if you’re not. i’ve found an aquifer of confidence, laughter, smiles, flirtation, and awakening from flirting with people i’ve just met on campus as well as people i’ve known all four years.

be careful with the end reputation and result you desire, as your actions may impact this in ways you had not anticipated, but don’t let this restrict you. talk to people about your situation. if you’re in an open relationship like me (semi-open), don’t keep it a secret as it may be overly confusing to people and therefore you. what goes around comes back around. listen to justin and his words of wisdom.

lastly, enjoy yourself. if you’re not feeling it, you can always, always go home. there will be cuddles waiting for you always.

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